Monday, December 22, 2008

What I *LOVE* about Christmas

Today is a glorious day! I have completed the Christmas shopping. Hoor-freaking-ay!

I must admit I am not a fan of Christmas shopping and every year I end up thinking to myself that I have GOT to start earlier. I am a very bad Santa's helper. OOh, I enjoy gift giving. I enjoy finding fabulous finds for my loved ones based on my personal financial strain. Love that.

I am a big fan of shopping in general. It's grand and fabulous, especially when you have cash to spend. Halle-freaking-lujah.

But what can't stand, and encounter every freaking time I went out Christmas shopping, is the dreaded, the horrible, the irritating 'stop-directly-in-front-of-you-to-chat-to-some-distance-
get-by-until-they-finish-the-dumb-conversation' Person. The 'SDIFOYTCTSDAATWABNJTABTECMIITGBUTFTDC' Person is usually the affluent Bimbo parading around in high heels with gazillions of parcels being juggled by their significant other. The SO of the SDIFOYTCTSDAATWABNJTABTECMIITGBUTFTDC stands there shifting their weight awkwardly behind the SDIFOYTCTSDAATWABNJTABTECMIITGBUTFTDC and stares awkwardly at you, the extremely irritated unable to walk shopper.

This strange traffic jam enables the second dreaded person to irritate the Unable to Walk Shopper. The dreaded Neck Breather comes up behind the Unable to Walk Shopper and breaths from their nose upon your irritated neck. This allows you to feel two steaming streams of toxic nose breath colliding into your neck hairs. The stench is horrendous, the claustrophobia is growing and you.are.angry.

And you can't do anything about it. Until the weather-talkers realise they actually don't want to talk to each other and continue on their merry ways. Until the Nose breathing Neck tickler holds his breath, you are stuck.

*sigh* Christmas Joy. Christmas Cheer. Yeah, I love Christmas.


ScoMan said...

A tip for next year, if you go first thing in the morning, as soon as the shops open, it is unlikely either of these people will be out of bed yet.

Random Hiccups said...

True. Good point. I'll add that to the New Years Resolutions.

Number 657: "Begin getting out of bed earlier so that by Christmas I can beat the gross people to the stores."

ScoMan said...

Exactly. Take the SDIFOYTCTSDAATWABNJTABTECMIITGBUTFTDC for example, chances are they were out all night with their friends drinking the night before. They won't be there when the doors open.

And the Neck Breather was probably up all night watching a marathon of some Sci-Fi show they already know word for word, but they have a habit of not crawling out of bed until noon so they need something to do until 3am.

Random Hiccups said...

I like you. I like your logic. It's time to cut out my own 3 am Senfield re-runs marathon so that I am NOT one of those weirdos I find in the mall.


Anonymous said...

Online shopping is so peaceful!