One of my favourite films is Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail. It inspires memories of my childhood friends and our silliness and joy. No longer am I that little girl, in fact since I have last posted I have moved out of the house (at least 5 days of the week anyway). I've began pursuing my dream of becoming an established author in University. I have learned to cook and housekeep. Two months ago my boyfriend of a year and a few months asked me to be his wife. And I said yes. Now we are running around celebrating love and joy. Our wedding is planned for February and while I battle with the shop holding my dress hostage I often reflect on these moments of silliness.
One of my favourite scenes in the Search for the Holy Grail is when the man pulling a trolley cries out 'bring out your dead.' On this trolley are piles of corpses. One man approaches with a body over his shoulder and the body is crying 'I'm not dead yet!' It is hilarious and if you have not yet seen it I recommend you do.
I so often feel like that body crying out. I am not dead yet. I am getting married not dying. As my friendships change and my relationship with my family adjusts I feel like screaming out 'I'm not dead yet!' I naively expected everything to remain as it was- Late night parties, singstar competitions and weekend family dinners. And while there are still these things, it has changed. They morphed into somethingI hardly recognise.
Something else has changed. Currently, despite being treated like an invalid, there is lots and lots of intoxicating joy. And this joy seems to morph into a deeper and more subtle joy. A joy I have never experienced. And my heart again cries out 'I'm not dead yet!' With this joy I will prove my life. With this joy I will scream my lungs out crying, 'I'm not dead yet!' Because I'm not. There is still much life to live within this body. I am still young. Breathing comes easy. Suck it in.